Toyota Lexus bike priced at 1 million yen
Toyota Lexus bike priced at 1 million yen
— the wry Gore Vidal (via punkysdilemma)
++ Date:2007-02-15, 9:08AM PST — Advice to Young Men from an Old Man ++
1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.
2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time
3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.
4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.
5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.
6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.
7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative”. They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.
8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.
9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.
10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.
11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.
12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.
13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.
14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.
15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.
16. Keep fit.
17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she is wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.
18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.
19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.
20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs”. They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
22. Have and nurture friendships with women.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
24. Don’t be an internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30′s or older.
25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look”. Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.
26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.
27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.
28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bonafides.
29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically,women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by our educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed Ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.
Conversations between Toru Watanabe and Nagasawa
When I had slept with three or four girls this way, I asked Nagasawa, “After you’ve done this seventy times, doesn’t it begin to seem kind of pointless?”
“That proves your a decent human being,” he said. “Congratulations. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from sleeping with one strange woman after another. It just tires you out and makes you disgusted with yourself. It’s the same for me.”
“So why the hell do you keep it up?”
“Hard to say. Hey, you know that thing Dostoyevsky wrote on gambling? It’s like that. When you’re surrounded by endless possibilities, one of the hardest things you can do is pass them up. See what I mean?”
“Look. The sun goes down. The girls come out and drink. They wander around, looking for something. I can give them that something. Before you know it, I’ve got ‘em down. It’s what they expect. That’s what I mean by possibility. It’s all around you. How can you ignore it? You have a certain ability and the opportunity to use it: can you keep your mouth shut and let it pass?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never been in a situation like that,” I said with a smile. ” I can’t imagine what it’s like.”
“Count your blessings,” Nagasawa said.
“I’ve gotta hand it to you,” I said.
“You think I’m a shit, don’t you?”
“Look, the world is an inherently unfair place. I didn’t write the rules. It’s always been that way. I have never once deceived Hatsumi. She knows I’m a shit and that she can leave me anytime she decides she can’t take it. I told her that straight out.”
“Isn’t there anything about life that frightens you?” I asked.
“Hey, I’m not a total idiot,” said Nagasawa. “Of course life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else, though. I’m going to give it a hundred percent and go as far as I can. I’ll take what I want and leave what I don’t want That’s how I intend to live my life, and if things go bad, I’ll stop and reconsider at that point. If you think about it, an unfair society is a society that makes it possible for you to exploit your abilities to the limit.”
“Sounds like a pretty self-centered way to live,” I said.
“Maybe so, but I’m not just looking up at the sky waiting for the fruit to drop. In my own way, I’m working hard. I’m working ten times harder than you are.”
“That’s probably true,” I said.
“I look around me sometimes and I get sick to my stomach. Why the hell don’t these bastards do something? I wonder. They don’t do a damn thing, and then they bitch.”
Amazed by the harshness of his tone, I looked at Nagasawa. “The way I see it, people are working hard. They’re working their fingers to the bone. Or am I looking at things wrong?”
“That’s not hard work. It’s just manual labor,” Nagasawa said with finality. “The ‘hard work’ I’m talking about is more self-directed and purposeful.”
“Where Watanabe and I are alike is, we don’t give a damn if nobody understands us,” Nagasawa said. “That’s what makes us different from everybody else. They’re all worried about whether people around them understand them. But not me, not Watanabe. We just don’t give a damn. Self and others are separate.”
“Is this true?” Hatsumi asked me.
“No way,” I said. “I’m not that strong. I don’t feel it’s O.K. if nobody understands me. I’ve got people I want to understand and be understood by. But aside from those few, well, I figure it’s kind of hopeless. I don’t agree with Nagasawa. I do care if people understand me.”
“That’s practically the same thing as what I’m saying,” said Nagasawa, picking up his coffee spoon. “It’s the same! It’s the difference between a late breakfast or an early lunch. Same time, same food, different name.”
Now Hatsumi spoke to Nagasawa. “Don’t you care whether I understand you or not?”
“I guess you don’t get it. Person A understands Person B because the time is right for that to happen, not because Person B wants to be understood by Person A.”
“Life doesn’t require ideals. It requires standards of action.”
“Tell me, Nagasawa,” I asked, “what is the ‘standard of action’ in your life?”
“You’ll laugh if I tell you,” he said.
“No, I won’t.”
“All right,” he said. “To be a gentleman.”
I didn’t laugh, but I nearly fell off my chair. “‘To be a gentleman’? A gentleman?”
“You heard me.”
“What does it mean to be a gentleman? How do you define it?”
“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do but what he should do.”
“You’re the weirdest guy I’ve ever met.”
“You’re the straightest guy I’ve ever met.”
Imagine you bring home a puppy. You give him food when he’s hungry, wash him when he dirty, provide appropriate shelter, buy him toys to play with, and take him out when he needs to go to the bathroom. But you don’t spend any quality time with him. You don’t wrestle with him, pet him, hold him, hug him, look into his eyes and talk to him like he’s human. When you get home and he’s jumping all over your leg, you gently scoot him aside and go about your business. You give him what he needs to survie but you ignore his desire to connect and feel.
Eventually he will get used to this. He will adjust to your behavior. He will find other ways to entertain himself. Maybe he’ll spend his days chasing flies or using his imagination to create a different world. He will grow up not knowing what healthy love looks like. He will do what he can to fit in. He may even be popular, but deep inside he will not believe he has value. He will put a lot of pressure on himself and if he doesn’t reach his expectations, he will believe he is less than. When he does something wrong, he will feel shame instead of guilt. He will isolate. And ultimately, he will become angry.
I used to be an angry person. On the surface, angry because life wasn’t unfolding the way I wanted it to. My marriage was falling apart and what I had didn’t match what I wanted while everyone else around me seemed to be living their dream. But on a deeper level, I think my anger / resentment / unhappiness stemmed from not feeling valued as a child. My anger had more to do with wiring than faulty thinking or a failed blueprint. Dogs that bite their owners do it for a reason. It’s not because they’re unhappy. It’s a reaction to pain, abuse that stems from way back that has permanently locked their brain into fight or flight mode. Anger becomes a way of coping.
I joked in a video last night about not having to make my own shoes. Well, my dad had to make his own shoes. My mom had to wake up each morning and carry pales of water on her shoulders because there was no running water in the village. They came from a different world, a world based on survival. They didn’t have access to shows, books, or classes about parenting, psychology, or growth. My point is their intent was not bad. They just didn’t posses the tools, as their parents did not either. The result was two angry sons who has to figure out through life what love, worth, happiness, and forgiveness looks like.
For me, it took a divorce, a masters in psychology, hundreds of hours of individual therapy, faith, and the currents of everyday life to slowly peel away the anger at my core, heal pain from neglect, and learn to not only love others but myself in a healthy way. Like living with an eating disorder or an addiction, that anger is always the first place I will go. Also, this type of wiring attracts a certain type of woman, the girl who wasn’t given a voice as a child, steam rolled, abused, and ignored. And if we are not both aware and working on ourselves, in other words, in a process of healing, then we will have have children and repeat the pattern.
Our sons will be angry.
Our daughters will be seeking worth in others.
Parents, tell your son you are proud of him. Hold him. Hug him. Tell him you love him. Go to his games. Build things with him. Tell your daughter she is beautiful. Listen to her. Be patience. Don’t ever criticize her on her appearance. The world will do that for the rest of her life. But most importantly, and THIS is where most parents drop the ball, put your money where your mouth is and live what you preach. Love is not about teaching, it’s about modeling. Don’t preach forgiveness if you can’t forgive. Don’t preach healthy love if you have trouble with it yourself. If you don’t ignore them but you ignore yourself, it’s just as damaging. Be who you want them to be. Because they will want to be who you are.
North Korean television takes a look at American poverty
— Nobody on their deathbed, ever. (via youmightfindyourself)
Know that you are fucking valuable. Start your day like it’s your last. Seek nectar. Stretch your bright spots. Shatter your veneer. Practice transparency. Love hard. Dream big. Sweat daily. Resist nothing. Embrace your story. It’s the only one you’ve got. Don’t feed negativity. Don’t engage with…